hey there, future manfriend. i think it’s important to tell you now, that my life is absurd. before you buy into all of my nonsense like you are haphazardly ordering a hand-blender on amazon, thinking you will make blended soups alllllll the time (or something), i should let you know this. i am a weirdness attractor. it just seeks me out. it finds me wherever i am. when it’s at the bookstore: i always ask mindlessly wandering folks whether they need help finding things and it ends up with a crotchety grandpa talking about his dojo master who knows how to kill someone without even touching them. and he only drinks hot water with soy milk with honey, as per his dojo master’s recommendation.…