i tend to shock myself. if you look at me on the outside i don’t look too shocking. but i am such an amalgam of crazy ideas, aspirations, theories, and doubts. i may wear safe woolen skirts and like my skin covered unlike many women who call boston home, but i show my wildness in other ways.
and i shocked myself by just how much i did this year. i thought it would be funny to look over my resolutions from last year, thinking there was no way i could have matched up my actions to my plans.
god, i was wrong. and i know i was wrong because god was in control of all of those hackneyed plans i had scribbled wildly on a piece of notebook paper last year. not me.
now, i didn’t cure cancer, but i made friends who will most likely do so. i didn’t get to paris like i hoped, but i saved enough to get myself to san francisco, boston, and a trip to montreal is coming up soon (!!) i didn’t get a new tattoo, but i am happy i didn’t. i swing-danced from 1am-5am the morning of my 20th birthday, made lifelong friends with berkeley swing dancers, got lost a lot, and ate way more cupcakes than i ever thought i would eat (cupcakes without frosting= muffins, right? so i can eat them for breakfast, right?)
2010 involved A LOT of stumbling( that time i “moved” to chicago? hahahaahha) . 2011 was a lot of learning that stumbling is a lot more fun walking smoothly or gracefully. i’d rather stumble than shuffle along:
1. see yann tiersen. check. (and ra ra riot twice. and martha wainwright. and st. vincent. and get backstage and buddy-buddy with the postelles.)
2. go to san francisco for my birthday. oh, yes check.
3. dress up more. check to the point that whenever i go to work, the first thing my coworkers say is “MACKENZIE…YOU’RE WEARING PANTS?!” i almost always wear dresses now. even when i bike.
4. pay off loans. paid off my one loan to my old college…..but got a lot more in loans when i got…
5. into a school i really, really adore. god, i love it. check.
6. “become the jill-all-of-all-creative-trades” that i’ve always wanted to be. started book #2, a play, and wrote oodles of poems, posts, and am working on editing (finally) book #1.
that being said, when i am biking the streets of cambridge in a skirt, i really have fallen in love with the little lady i’ve become. but knowing me and my rory gilmore tendencies, i would not be myself if not having a lot of little wishes for the next year:
1. re-teach myself german. first item on the agenda? finish reading “james und der riesenpfirsich” (james and the giant peach! i die!) with my pocket dictionary handy. living close to a foreign language bookstore with the most majestic stacks of children’s books does some damage.
2.montreal 21st birthday extravaganza! it’s going to happen. i’m mentally preparing myself for the ridiculousness. march, you cannot get here soon enough.
3. bike more often. i am still pretty reliant on the subways here, but now that i have proper winter biking gear, it’s silly for me to keep riding the subway, when my new bike stallion is just asking to be out on the asphalt.
4. do things by myself more often. fostering that silence is something i find so important in a city so noisy. movies, concerts, beach trips in the summer, spontaneous bus rides, etc. they will happen.
5. reopen my etsy store. this time though, i will try not to go 8 million crafts done half-way (candles! paintings! cards! tote bags! scarves! shoot me!) . i will do one type, all the way.
6. finish novel-child #2.
7. get a dog. i am dying to have puppies in my arms. i am more than a bit ready to become a crazy dog lady.
8.smile more. ask old men about their stories if they are sitting at a cafe by themselves. more red lips. more stumbling on cobblestones. sing in public. go ice-skating on the frog pond. learn to love each season. say yes more than i say no. give a homeless man a sandwich. the city is a cold place sometimes, and i want to make sure i have that little flame of happy in me always. it’s a rarity to find sometimes in other city-dwellers, but not impossible.
i want to make sure someone finds that in me. and these little wishes will make sure of that.
what are your wishes for the next year, dears?