sandwich yourself between approximately eight heavily-accented philadelphian grandmas on a bus  to philly from new york city.

take note of them speaking french in the craziest set of accents ever.

also realize that philly doesn’t smell as bad as you remember it (a running joke with my brother and i) it.

philly has actually become quite charming, you’d say to yourself as you stroll around rittenhouse.


spend the day with your one of your favorite two year olds in fountains and parks and more fountains.

because true story: i am two years old on the inside and i want a juice box, gosh darn it.

say that you know a two year old that is cuter than this little nugget and i will call shenanigans on you (he knows full lady gaga songs + dance routines. get on his level.)

spend the rest of the day prancing around university city at upenn and realize that if i am in an unfamiliar town it takes me approximately 10 minutes to find their best bookstore. and pillage it of its goods.

try not to drool too heavily on the classics.

apologize to the iliad for the stains as you sneak off to the poetry section.  get your new favorite anthology (that you’ve definitely read front to back three times but never had the cash to buy it)

oh yes, there was a lovely basil lemonade involved. completely necessary. whatever.


 continue the drooling all over upenn’s beauteous campus. pretend you’re not dribbling spit from your mouth as you pass wide-eyed through the campus whenever you pass some cute bookish dudes on their bikes. it happens. be thankful you don’t actually live there or else you’d get a nickname.

go shopping with your step-mom. her favorite phrase throughout the whole trip is “oh gahhhhhd, i’m so swoooolllen.” and feel a lot of love grow for her every time she utters the phrase. and the fact that, when we walk into the healing crystals and chakra shop, she knows every single person in the store. of course. this is my family, guys. any surprises? i didn’t think so.
go visit a very newly neutered cat by the name of roscoe, who is the cat of your very favorite “mormon princess” + spend the next thirty minutes trying to cram in a years worth of updates. succeed in doing so.

go to  a free eddie money concert with your big brother (where i actually saw a mutual friend that i met in florida?! life is so weird.) spend way too much time laughing at the rat-tails of others. because that’s how you end a trip to the lovely city of philadelphia.

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