i seem to have this romance thing all wrong;

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romance confuses me. i’ll be honest.

i think these two songs are the most romantic songs of all time.

i think flowers as gifts = lame sauce. mostly because i seem to kill tulips too often to enjoy them. get me a basil plant, instead. i once had a basil plant for eight months. and then i moved to boston and i’m pretty sure my little plant-baby died from heartbreak. or something.

if i am about to go on a date, i do the opposite of most females; i take my make-up off. i don’t believe in delusions that involve me wearing make-up on a regular basis. or shaving.

i did  free-writes for my non-fiction class and one concluded with the following: “all i really want now is muddy knees and a nice guy (who likes his mom) to eat popsicles with me.”  and it’s the truth. i’m a very simple creature.

i’m going to whisper this next part, so i don’t startle anyone: i don’t find ryan gosling very attractive.

cuddling gets old about an hour into cuddling. i also do not like spooning, i’ve come to find.

fifty percent of the dates i’ve been on, i haven’t realized i was on a date until three hours into the outing. or even worse, after the date had ended. someone usually tells me i was on a date.

i’ve seen “the notebook” three times. first time, i laughed. second time, i fell asleep. third time, i also fell asleep and i’m pretty sure i laughed in my sleep. i do not regret any of this, only the 90 minutes i lost from not sleeping through the movie the first time.

and if anyone, anyone at all ( i don’t care how cute you are or how much you like your mother) quotes “such great heights” to me (” i am thinking it’s a sign/ that the frecklesin our eyes are mirror images and / when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned”), they are clearly asking for me to make gagging noises. loudly. in public. with a vulgar hand motion, for emphasis.

i seem to have this romance thing all wrong.

and i’m okay with it.

i always thought turning 21 would mean i was much more capable of romance and flirting and coy glances across rooms. but i’m not. and i’m glad. because hair flips and text messages do not a romance make. and i’d like a romance that not even nicholas sparks could ever fathom. with diabetes-inducing levels of popsicles. and that’s when i’ll know.

11 thoughts on “i seem to have this romance thing all wrong;

  1. The Other Watson

    And nice to see someone being so honest and realistic about such things! Romance really changes from person to person, and so many people try to live up to this preconceived notion of what it is and what it should be, rather than just enjoying whatever it is for them. :)

    Reply
  2. jolam08

    that is also how I feel about make up. if they want to be with me, they better like me without my make up and without being dressed up

    I love you! and can’t believe I just found your blog

    Reply
  3. mayapamela

    I love that image there.

    And the glasses in the proclaimers video. (both songs were 500 miles? Was that intentional? Dying to know what the second song was, cliffhanger!)

    And you.

    For some reason, I think this song is one of my favorite romantic songs, even though it’s obsessive and creepy, I still think it’s charming.

    Please don’t tell me what you think that means about me.

    I can’t wait for someone to blindside $#@!ing court you, too, and to hear all about it.

    Reply
  4. Clair

    I HEAR you! I mean, I do like cuddling and flowers and makeup, but I did NOT understand The Notebook (and I cry about everything, seriously), I do NOT understand Ryan Gosling, and I’m pretty sure if J ever tried anything traditionally romantic with me, I’d laugh in his face. Cliche does not make a relationship stronger.

    I am really glad you don’t wear makeup on dates. =)

    Reply
  5. brissa

    it’s perfectly fine for you not to like ryan gosling. that’s just one less female for me to fight til i get him. i like your idea of romance. that’s the real stuff right there. real and absolutely wonderful.

    Reply
  6. Anna {dear friend}

    ALSO, just for the record, I LOVED this post. It’s just so perfectly you and I love everything about it, even if we don’t agree on EVERYTHING.

    I’m not really a cuddler either, BUT I do like flowers.

    And I TOTALLY AGREE: Such Great Heights IS SO ANNOYING.

    Ok, that is all for now, my friend.

    Reply
  7. lifeofgumption

    i think you just found the next best selling “romance” novel to write. the down-to-earth-true-this-shit-really-happens-and-i-love-popsicles kind of romance.

    ps 500 miles is the best song ever. i will gladly serenade you, if you’d like.

    Reply
  8. Allison R

    Do you know the artist of that print? When I click the link it doesn’t bring me to that specific picture :)

    Reply

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