dear future gentleman caller,
i just wanted to let you know, that i am a packaged set. i come for free with all of the following:
- sleep talking in foreign languages, or so i’ve heard. talk back.
-sleep walking, as i have also heard. (beware, i’ve been known to steal remote controls when i sleep over at friends’ houses during these sleep walking episodes.)
-only getting cranky when i am very, very hungry.
-inability to make plans unless they are less than three hours ahead of time. plans scare me.
- finding a clever way to wear tights at any possible opportunity. i’m sorry when it gets too hot outside for them and you realize i wore them so much because i was procrastinating on shaving my legs.
-magical plate-clearing abilities.
-professional autumn leaf pile jumper-inner. amateur puddle jumper-inner. expert jeopardy! player. novice dish-washer. advanced interesting-factoid spitter-outter. beginner nail painter (it shows.)
-singing katy perry songs loudly when i bake. when i craft. when i have private dance parties in my room. when i shower. when i make my bed. and in my head when i take hard tests, for motivational purposes.
-killing basil plants. burning candles for hours on end. collecting garden gnomes.
-buying you harry potter-related t-shirts. because that would just be dreamy.
-wearing noisy shoes that will click-clack all over our wooden floors. because they make me feel like a lady.
and you can get all this for 50+ easy yearly payments of….your undying affection.
would that be okay?